# Getting to Yes

![rw-book-cover](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51CwtgpX5eL._SL200_.jpg)

## Metadata
- Author: [[Roger Fisher, William L. Ury, Bruce Patton]]
- Full Title: Getting to Yes
- Category: #books

## Highlights
- There is a third way to negotiate, a way neither hard nor soft, but rather both hard and soft. The method of principled negotiation developed at the Harvard Negotiation Project is to decide issues on their merits rather than through a haggling process focused on what each side says it will and won’t do. It suggests that you look for mutual gains whenever possible, and that where your interests conflict, you should insist that the result be based on some fair standards independent of the will of either side. The method of principled negotiation is hard on the merits, soft on the people. It employs no tricks and no posturing. Principled negotiation shows you how to obtain what you are entitled to and still be decent. It enables you to be fair while protecting you against those who would take advantage of your fairness. ([Location 319](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=319))
- Any method of negotiation may be fairly judged by three criteria: It should produce a wise agreement if agreement is possible. It should be efficient. And it should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the parties. (A wise agreement can be defined as one that meets the legitimate interests of each side to the extent possible, resolves conflicting interests fairly, is durable, and takes community interests into account.) ([Location 356](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=356))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- the more attention that is paid to positions, the less attention is devoted to meeting the underlying concerns of the parties. Agreement becomes less likely. Any agreement reached may reflect a mechanical splitting of the difference between final positions rather than a solution carefully crafted to meet the legitimate interests of the parties. The result is frequently an agreement less satisfactory to each side than it could have been, or no agreement at all, when a good agreement was possible. ([Location 391](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=391))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- These four points define a straightforward method of negotiation that can be used under almost any circumstance. Each point deals with a basic element of negotiation, and suggests what you should do about it. People: Separate the people from the problem. Interests: Focus on interests, not positions. Options: Invent multiple options looking for mutual gains before deciding what to do. Criteria: Insist that the result be based on some objective standard. ([Location 485](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=485))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- Failing to deal with others sensitively as human beings prone to human reactions can be disastrous for a negotiation. Whatever else you are doing at any point during a negotiation, from preparation to follow-up, it is worth asking yourself, “Am I paying enough attention to the people problem?” ([Location 626](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=626))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- To find your way through the jungle of people problems, it is useful to think in terms of three basic categories: perception, emotion, and communication. The various people problems all fall into one of these three baskets. ([Location 664](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=664))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] 
- Ultimately, however, conflict lies not in objective reality, but in people’s heads. Truth is simply one more argument—perhaps a good one, perhaps not—for dealing with the difference. The difference itself exists because it exists in their thinking. Fears, even if ill-founded, are real fears and need to be dealt with. Hopes, even if unrealistic, may cause a war. Facts, even if established, may do nothing to solve the problem. Both parties may agree that one lost the watch and the other found it, but still disagree over who should get it. It may finally be established that the auto accident was caused by the blowout of a tire that had been driven 31,402 miles, but the parties may dispute who should pay for the damage. The detailed history and geography of the Western Sahara, no matter how carefully studied and documented, is not the stuff with which one puts to rest that kind of territorial dispute. No study of who developed what nuclear devices when will put to rest the conflict between India and Pakistan. As useful as looking for objective reality can be, it is ultimately the reality as each side sees it that constitutes the problem in a negotiation and opens the way to a solution. ([Location 676](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=676))
- The ability to see the situation as the other side sees it, as difficult as it may be, is one of the most important skills a negotiator can possess. It is not enough to know that they see things differently. If you want to influence them, you also need to understand empathetically the power of their point of view and to feel the emotional force with which they believe in it. It is not enough to study them like beetles under a microscope; you need to know what it feels like to be a beetle. To accomplish this task you should be prepared to withhold judgment for a while as you “try on” their views. ([Location 688](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=688))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- It is all too easy to fall into the habit of putting the worst interpretation on what the other side says or does. A suspicious interpretation often follows naturally from one’s existing perceptions. Moreover, it seems the “safe” thing to do, and it shows spectators how bad the other side really is. But the cost of interpreting whatever they say or do in its most dismal light is that fresh ideas in the direction of agreement are spurned, and subtle changes of position are ignored or rejected. ([Location 724](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=724))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process. ([Location 758](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=758))
- Pay attention to “core concerns.” Many emotions in negotiation are driven by a core set of five interests: autonomy, the desire to make your own choices and control your own fate; appreciation, the desire to be recognized and valued; affiliation, the desire to belong as an accepted member of some peer group; role, the desire to have a meaningful purpose; and status, the desire to feel fairly seen and acknowledged. Trampling on these interests tends to generate strong negative emotions. Attending to them can build rapport and a positive climate for problem-solving negotiation. ([Location 811](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=811))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- Such desires and concerns are interests. Interests motivate people; they are the silent movers behind the hubbub of positions. Your position is something you have decided upon. Your interests are what caused you to so decide. ([Location 979](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=979))
    - Tags: [[mediation]] [[conflict resolution]] 
- Ask “Why not?” Think about their choice. One of the most useful ways to uncover interests is first to identify the basic decision that those on the other side probably see you asking them for, and then to ask yourself why they have not made that decision. What interests of theirs stand in the way? If you are trying to change their minds, the starting point is to figure out where their minds are now. ([Location 1030](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1030))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- Now analyze the consequences, as the other side would probably see them, of agreeing or refusing to make the decision you are asking for. You may find a checklist of consequences such as the following helpful in this task: Impact on my interests Will I lose or gain political support? Will colleagues criticize or praise me? Impact on the group’s interests What will be the short-term consequences? The long-term consequences? What will be the economic [political, legal, psychological, military, etc.] consequences? What will be the effect on outside supporters and public opinion? Will the precedent be good or bad? Will making this decision prevent doing something better? Is the action consistent with our principles? Is it “right”? Can I do it later if I want? ([Location 1087](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1087))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- If you want someone to listen and understand your reasoning, give your interests and reasoning first and your conclusions or proposals later. ([Location 1174](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1174))
- Often the wisest solutions, those that produce the maximum gain for you at the minimum cost to the other side, are produced only by strongly advocating your interests. Two negotiators, each pushing hard for their interests, will often stimulate each other’s creativity in thinking up mutually advantageous solutions. ([Location 1209](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1209))
    - Tags: [[mediation]] [[conflict resolution]] 
- Fighting hard on the substantive issues increases the pressure for an effective solution; giving support to the human beings on the other side tends to improve your relationship and to increase the likelihood of reaching agreement. It is the combination of support and attack that works; either alone is likely to be insufficient. ([Location 1225](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1225))
    - Tags: [[mediation]] [[conflict resolution]] 
- In most negotiations there are four major obstacles that inhibit the inventing of an abundance of options: (1) premature judgment; (2) searching for the single answer; (3) the assumption of a fixed pie; and (4) thinking that “solving their problem is their problem.” To overcome these constraints, you need to understand them. ([Location 1251](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1251))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- To invent creative options, then, you will need to (1) separate the act of inventing options from the act of judging them; (2) broaden the options on the table rather than look for a single answer; (3) search for mutual gains; and (4) invent ways of making their decisions easy. ([Location 1289](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1289))
- We often try to influence others by threats and warnings of what will happen if they do not decide as we would like. Offers are usually more effective. Concentrate both on making them aware of the consequences they can expect if they do decide as you wish and on improving those consequences from their point of view. How can you make your offers more credible? What are some specific things that they might like? Would they like to be given credit for having made the final proposal? Would they like to make the announcement? What can you invent that might be attractive to them but low in cost to yourself? ([Location 1609](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1609))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- Principled negotiation produces wise agreements amicably and efficiently. The more you bring standards of fairness, efficiency, or scientific merit to bear on your particular problem, the more likely you are to produce a final package that is wise and fair. The more you and the other side refer to precedent and community practice, the greater your chance of benefiting from past experience. And an agreement consistent with precedent is less vulnerable to attack. If a lease contains standard terms or if a sales contract conforms to practice in the industry, there is less risk that either negotiator will feel that he was harshly treated or will later try to repudiate the agreement. ([Location 1655](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1655))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- Pressure can take many forms: a bribe, a threat, a manipulative appeal to trust, or a simple refusal to budge. In all these cases, the principled response is the same: invite them to state their reasoning, suggest objective criteria you think apply, and refuse to budge except on this basis. Never yield to pressure, only to principle. ([Location 1791](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1791))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- Develop your BATNA. Vigorous exploration of what you will do if you do not reach agreement can greatly strengthen your hand. Attractive alternatives are not just sitting there waiting for you; you usually have to develop them. Generating possible BATNAs requires three distinct operations: (1) inventing a list of actions you might conceivably take if no agreement is reached; (2) improving some of the more promising ideas and converting them into practical alternatives; and (3) selecting, tentatively, the one alternative that seems best. ([Location 1959](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=1959))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- If pushing back does not work, what does? How can you prevent the cycle of action and reaction? Do not push back. When they assert their positions, do not reject them. When they attack your ideas, don’t defend them. When they attack you, don’t counterattack. Break the vicious cycle by refusing to react. Instead of pushing back, sidestep their attack and deflect it against the problem. As in the Oriental martial arts of judo and jujitsu, avoid pitting your strength against theirs directly; instead, use your skill to step aside and turn their strength to your ends. Rather than resisting their force, channel it into exploring interests, inventing options for mutual gain, and searching for independent standards. ([Location 2028](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=2028))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]] 
- Those engaged in negotiation jujitsu use two key tools. The first is to use questions instead of statements. Statements generate resistance, whereas questions generate answers. Questions allow the other side to get their points across and let you understand them. They pose challenges and can be used to lead the other side to confront the problem. Questions offer them no target to strike at, no position to attack. Questions do not criticize, they educate. “Do you think it would be better to have teachers cooperating in a process they felt they were participating in, or actively resisting one they felt was imposed on them and failed to take their concerns into account?” ([Location 2082](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0051SDM5Q&location=2082))
    - Tags: [[conflict resolution]] [[mediation]]